Bringing the Whole of Me


bringing the whole of me to sit in silence in the old stone chapel where many have sat before candles burning in their presence here at dawn I feel the hard work of carrying the load of duplicity as I do coming into this place with all the pieces of me reflecting the light and shadow the signs and acts of hope and failure of living between spirit and flesh all one but not aligned and so sowing differently and reaping consequently reflecting the parts of me manifest in longing and giving in loving and leaving in breathing and dying like the air and earth that I am with my harvests of wholeness and nets of emptiness all of which I feel as I sit here with it all alone except I’m not as I hear a deeper wisdom calling so gently its sound is but a breath so quiet is it it could be missed saying that I should be careful not to create or perpetuate within me a land of exile from which parts of me cannot return and receive a warm welcome home and as I listen I awaken to that deeper me within me where my deepest-self that true and sacred me dwells and holds all the unaligned parts of me together and welcomes home all the exiles I know so well especially the prodigal one no stranger to me but who remains a wild running teen searching for fulfilment his wanderings causing such disruption as well as the older son that part of me who never leaves but whose trying-so-hard-to-please and catch-an-eye causes such fatigue and self-doubt both these without judgment the deepest-me holds and welcomes home here and now this morning in this age-old chapel of light to be still in the holy darkness with the candles and saints and prayers to wait as the silence moulds me into one as it has done in countless souls through time and will do in mine

About chrisahrends

For me, writing is a healing art aimed at healing me - and if in any way it resonates with you - that would be wonderful. I live in Cape Town, South Africa; work in the Anglican Church of Southern Africa and am married to Jacqui Macqueen Ahrends.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s